girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
