Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
