we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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