This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
