I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
