I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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