He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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