Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
