I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
