i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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