on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
