I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
