i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
