The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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