why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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