so that wasnt chicken after all
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
