I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
