You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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