I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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