U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
