I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
