I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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