Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
