It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my sisters under your porch take her home
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
