Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So here I am, sexting at work.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
