I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
