i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
