i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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