ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
