Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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