Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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