The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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