If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
