i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
