i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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