that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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