if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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