My sheets look like a crime scene.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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