I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
