did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
