some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
