I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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