I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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