You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
