nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dignity is for republicans.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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