Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
