i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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