Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
