There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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