piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
