i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
