i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
