I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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