so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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